Originally Transmitted – 24th December 1975
Christmas is approaching in Slade Prison and Godber, for one, is getting into the spirit. He’s encouraged by the number of cons who have congregated around the Christmas tree to sing carols, but Fletcher has to break the bad news to him.
They’re singing in order to drown out the noise of a tunnel that’s being dug in order to allow Tommy Slocombe to escape (“Yeah, that’s the big occasion around here. It’s not the coming of our Lord, it’s the going of Tommy Slocombe”). Genial Harry Grout (Peter Vaughan) is behind the escape, so everybody will have to play their part, as Fletcher so memorably puts it “If we are asked to assist, we are in no position to refuse are we? Otherwise, we’ll wake up one morning and find two more things hanging on the Christmas tree. Us”.
Fletcher plans to go away for Christmas by wangling a stay in the comfort of the prison infirmary. But the doctor (Graham Crowden) is having none of it and packs Fletch off to the local hospital for some tests instead. This allows somebody to slip Fletcher a package containing a blank passport, which is another piece of Grouty’s puzzle, but he still needs something else – a bicycle. “Certainly” says Fletch. “What colour?”.
Fletcher, Godber and Warren are able to relive the unfortunate Mr Barrowclough of his bike and Fletcher then professes ignorance when Mr Barrowclough asks him if he knows where it is (“Let’s get this straight. You are saying that you came to work this morning as a cyclist and will be leaving as a pedestrian?”).
But all of Grouty’s plans seem to have come to naught after some petty pilfering means that the screws declare that Christmas will be cancelled. This seems to scupper the escape plan but Fletcher has an idea. Why don’t they let the screws discover the tunnel and whilst they’re busy congratulating themselves, Grouty can quietly spirit Slocombe away by another route?
Grouty agrees and Fletch is delegated to reveal the tunnel to Mr Mackay. He wants to arrange that Mackay will literally drop right into it. Unfortunately, it’s Fletcher who drops into the tunnel, right before the astonished eyes of Mackay, but this does mean that Fletch will be able to spend Christmas in the infirmary after all.
Mackay has one unanswered question and promises Fletcher a bottle of scotch if he’ll answer it. What did they do with all the earth from the tunnel? Fletch’s answer (“They dug another tunnel and put the earth down there”) is a killer final line.
The first of two Porridge Christmas specials, No Way Out adds another ten minutes to the normal running time, which allows for a few more gags but isn’t so long that it begins to feel drawn out. That’s one of the problems with Christmas editions of sitcoms when they started to be produced in a 90 minute format – what works in 30 minutes doesn’t always work when extended to 90. Thankfully, Porridge didn’t go down that route.
Harry Grout is probably the role that Peter Vaughan is most associated with, which is a little surprising when you consider that Grouty only appeared in a handful of episodes. He is mentioned in a number of others though, so that his presence is always felt (even when he’s not actually seen). Vaughan’s ability to play everything deadpan and calm is one of the reasons why Grouty works so well – he doesn’t have to raise his voice, just a word or a snap of his fingers will do the trick.
No Way Out is a hardy Christmas perennial, usually to be found each year on BBC2 and certainly receiving several airings on Gold. Its familiarity might have dimmed a little of its power (and it’s difficult to rewatch it now without hearing the man with the irritating laugh in the audience) but it’s still a Christmas treat.