Written by Margaret Simpson. Tx 5th February 1988

Gonch, now sporting a neck brace, thanks to his previous encounter with Mauler, declares that something needs to be done about him. Ziggy agrees, leaving Robbie to shake his head at the impetuousness of them both. It’s a pity that we never actually see what happened to Gonch as Ronnie’s explanation – she found him trussed him up in Harriet’s old stable, complete with a sign saying donkey – sounds intriguing.

Why Mauler suddenly decided to attack Gonch (the two have barely, if ever, spoken) is another of those mysteries which I don’t think there’s an answer for. A case of sloppy storylining or was it designed to demonstrate that Mauler’s menace is totally random? The decision is yours.

Whilst Gonch thanks Ronnie for rescuing him (and also for not telling anyone else) this allows Robbie and Calley to enjoy a brief moment of intimacy. This slightly develops the possibility that they may become an item, although it’s still early days at present. Oh, and of course Ronnie couldn’t resist telling Calley about Gonch’s plight (she promptly told Robbie and then Ziggy found out) leading to maximum humiliation for GH’s top wheeler dealer.

Vince’s pursuit of Helen finds him running into Mauler. McCall’s not impressed with Vince’s American football top (deciding that Vince is setting up in opposition against him!). Vince is wearing the top at all times, as Trevor told him that Helen loves American football. I’ve got a feeling that Trev’s not been entirely honest with Vince ….

This is another of those slightly baffling incidental storylines. I’m not sure what’s harder to believe – the fact that Vince for a second believes that Helen (once she claps eyes on his shirt) will be overcome with passion or the notion that Mauler regards Vince as a rival. After a strong run of episodes (the two from Sarah Daniels were especially good) we seem to have hit something of a brick wall here.

The normal affable Mr MacKenzie is in a strop today. Too much petty pilfering has finally caused him to snap – although maybe the final straw came when he saw that Trevor’s pockets were stuffed with computer keys. Clearly he spends his computer studies period dismantling the keyboards! It’s been a while since the topic of limited resources and vandalism was raised (back in the early eighties it was a particularly fruitful source of drama for the series) so it’s not unpleasing to see it touched upon again.

The sudden arrival of Mr Bronson is an episode highlight. Spotting Danny Kendall being escorted by the still highly irritated Mr MacKenzie, Mr Bronson lightly skips down the corridor before bellowing “do what do we owe this honour?” to the slightly nonplussed boy. As Mr Bronson then leads Danny down away, it’s notable that the walls are looking particularly grubby. Unless I’ve previously been unobservant, I don’t think this has been a regular feature this year, so possibly – like Mr MacKenzie’s diatribe – it’s something unique to this episode. Another notable feature of their extended walk is the ambient sounds we hear as they pass various classes. Only a small touch, but it helps to create the impression that this is a living and breathing school.

Vince’s stupidity has now reached previously uncharted proportions. Despite the fact that Helen’s told him she loathes all sports (and pushed him in the fountain for good measure!) he still believes Trevor when he casually mentions that Helen’s waiting for him over by the sheds. Of course, she’s not there – but Mauler’s gang is. So Vince finds himself chained up in the bike sheds, minus his prized shirt ….

Written by Margaret Simpson. Tx 2nd February 1988

The peace of Laura’s breakfast is disturbed by the arrival of Simon. This obviously doesn’t please her (no doubt he picked up on this by the subtle way she banged a dish down on the table). True, Simon is his usual boorish self – grabbing the newspaper off her without thinking to ask first – but you could also argue that Laura’s not prepared to meet him half way. This is a plotline that’s been in a holding pattern for a while – Mrs Reagan loves Simon whilst Laura loathes him – with no sign of advancement.

I’m surprised to see that Gonch, Ziggy and Robbie’s kit hire service is still up and running. A few episodes back it seemed to be knocked on the head after Mr Robson rumbled them (or was that possibly just the reminder service?). Ziggy finds himself at the mercy of some fifth years who aren’t at all happy with the level of service being provided. These scenes are chiefly interesting for the way that Ziggy’s suddenly become the fall guy and junior partner – Gonch and Robbie very much have the air of senior partners, leaving the hapless Ziggy to do all the donkey work.

Mr Robson’s latest wheeze sees him launch an access club – featuring the likes of Badminton, Table Tennis, Weightlifting and Five a Side Football. Freddie’s not pleased, as it’ll mean that football practice will have to be cut down. This allows Freddie to once again restate his contempt for non-competitive sports. Instead, he harks back to the good old days of Mr Baxter and penny under the mat.

Helen continues to obsess about her tattoo, convinced that it’s growing larger. I love the way that Georgina shows the minimum of concern about her friend’s plight – she’s much more interested in filing her nails! Jane is the latest to view the tattoo and her obviously feigned delight only helps to reinforce the notion that Helen’s made a big mistake. She then confides to Georgina that “I bet Paula Yates had never had this problem” (yes a touch ungrammatical).

Vince has never been the brightest, but as the years roll on he seems to be regressing backwards. How else could you explain the fact that he believes Trevor’s assertion that he’s not only seen Helen’s tattoo, but that the two are an item? If that’s difficult to believe, then the notion that Trev’s prepared to nobly stand aside in order that Vince can ask her out is just bizarre ….

Danny’s return (he’s been in Scotland for a check-up apparently) sees him haunting the art room whilst avoiding Mr Robson. He’s also on hand to give Fiona and Ronnie some musical advice as they continue to craft their hip hop magnum opus. Quite how or why Danny’s suddenly become an expert (or even someone whose opinion they value) is never quite made clear.

The saga of the strip hire rumbles on. Surprisingly for a Margret Simpson script (she was always one of GH‘s more distinctive writers) the boys hit on a master plan which operates along rather sexist lines – they’ve got all these dirty clothes that need washing, so why not invite Calley and Ronnie to become equal partners? They can do the washing (well, they’re girls after all) whilst the boys handle the rough stuff, such as tangling with the likes of Big Tel (David Parker).

The episode ends with a “comedy” chase. Big Tel’s less than delighted that he was given one of Mr Robson’s football shirts (the teacher noticed and called him a thief) so there’s the inevitable run-around as he attempts to extract a suitable revenge. It’s mainly of interest due to the fact it continues during the end credits whuch at least allows it to be snappily edited. And if you think that this is one “comedy” chase without Mauler then think again – as he and his Grid Iron crew pop up out of nowhere to carry Gonch off. Quite what they’re doing wandering about the streets still dressed in their American football gear is a mystery which I don’t think has an answer.

Written by Sarah Daniels. Tx 29th January 1988

Mr Griffiths has had his eye on Tegs for some time and finally runs him to ground in the girl’s cloakroom. The moment when Mr Griffiths attempts to stop him escaping by holding onto his blazer – only for Tegs to slip out of it – is slightly clumsily done, as it’s plain that George A. Cooper is actually tugging it off him.

Tegs, escorted to Mrs McClusky’s office by Mr Griffiths, remains uncowed. He denies that he’s responsible for the recent spite of bike thefts – instead he offers the head his professional opinion about safety measures (locking stands and chains would be a good idea). Poor Mr Griffiths gets a roasting from Mrs McClusky after Tegs leaves the office. Mr Griffiths’ confident assertion that Tegs is the culprit is quickly shot down by Mrs McClusky, who tells him that they have absolutely no evidence against him. Mr Griffiths’ hangdog expression after being ticked off speaks volumes. His heroine-worship of Mrs McClusky has long been one of his defining traits, so to be in her bad books is a painful moment for him.

Sarah Daniels once again comes up with the goods for Michael Sheard. Mr Bronson, lurking for no good reason in Mrs McClusky’s outer office, happens to overhear the head telling Mr Griffiths that if she can’t deal with this spate of thefts then she should resign. The words “it’s time for me to resign” catches his attention and his facial expression after this apparent bombshell speaks volumes! Also good to see the ever-faithful, if mute, Janet back in her familiar position as Mrs McClusky’s secretary.

You may, or may not, be delighted to hear that Mauler’s reign of idiotic terror shows no sign of abating. Desperate as I am for any small crumb of comfort during these scenes, I have to say that there’s a very unusual camera angle (high above the set, looking directly down) during the moment when Mauler and his posse chase Clarke round and round the lockers. Top marks to director John Smith for attempting to liven up yet another “comedy” chase.

But better times are just around the corner as Mr Bronson, like an avenging angel, strides into the frame and declares that Mauler was the boy responsible for giving him the soaking. Quite how he’s worked this out is a slight mystery – he didn’t see him at the time – but no matter as it’s a chance for Michael Sheard to turn the intensity right up. “You are the boy responsible for my getting wet”. It’s a fairly innocuous line, but it’s all about Sheard’s line delivery – the way he emphasises each word with increasing force.

I also love the conclusion to the scene. Mr Bronson tells Mauler to “follow me” and the teacher strides off, only twigging after a few seconds that Mauler’s legged it in the opposite direction! It’s only a pleasure deferred though, as Mr Bronson then runs the unfortunate Mauler to ground during the next lesson. Sheard is once again on top form as Bronson tells the boy to explain to the class, in French, exactly what he did. Sheard milks every last moment out of lines such as “you pathetic, unteachable specimen”. And what exactly was Mauler’s French explanation? “Mr Bronson, in boy’s bedroom, with basket of water on the head”.

https://youtu.be/8Gur3Bp7a1w

Tegs explains a little more to Justine about his philosophy of life. “I nicked two hundred quid in fifteen minutes once. You’d have to be a politician or a pop star to earn that much in quarter of an hour”.

It’s fascinating how public acceptance of tattoos has changed over the last thirty years. Ronnie (unsurprisingly, given her straight-laced persona) isn’t at all impressed with Helen’s tattoo, telling her that she’s got it for life and only a skin graft will remove it. Back in 1988, a tattoo seems to have been seen as a departure from the norm – Ronnie wonders if Helen’s gone a bit funny and Fiona agrees, commenting that it’s a bit mad.

Matthew’s travails continue. After behaving quite normally during his few brief scenes last episode, he’s back to his old, storytelling tales today. Paul Adams’ breathless listing of untruths and half-truths isn’t terribly convincing – although I’m not sure whether this was supposed to be as scripted or was simply due to Adams’ acting. For sure, it’s a difficult part to play – and reviewing Matthew’s initial storyline some thirty years on, it seems a pity that he wasn’t given the opportunity to settle into the school community for a while before attention was drawn to his fractured homelife. Had this been done, then it probably would have generated a more rounded character.

Matthew’s father once again is nothing but more than an intimidating profile. We never hear his reply to Matthew’s request that they give Clarke a lift, but Mr Pearson’s disgusted expression speaks volumes.

Written by Sarah Daniels. Tx 26th January 1988

The episode opens with a rare sighting of Justine’s elder sister, Tracey (Penny-Belle Fowler). Since Justine has more than an echo of Trisha about her – today she’s once again straining against the limits of school uniform – had Tracey been a regular, then like Trisha’s sister – Carol – she could have been used to tease out other aspects of Justine’s character.

I’m afraid that Mauler and his Grid Iron crew are still infesting the school corridors. After haranguing Matthew for the crime of bringing a briefcase to school, they’re distracted by Tegs, who throws a water bomb directly into Mauler’s face. Once again his reaction is horribly overplayed and yet another “comedy” chase ensues. The most interesting part of the scene is the way it demonstrates how Tegs is completely at home moving through the nooks and crannies of the school (his small frame makes it easy for him to enter the ventilation ductings).

But this time, Mr Bronson is tugged into their orbit. After Mr Bronson views the out-of-order staff toilet with disfavour, we later see Tegs duck into the children’s urinals. Mauler and the others, hot on his heels, follow him in and prepare a series of water balloons to surprise the occupant of the locked cubicle, who turns out to be …. Mr Bronson. No, really.

Obvious though it is, this is still a decent payoff – the sight of a water-soaked Michael Sheard, complete with a distressed wig, is a lovely one. Even better is to come as Mr Bronson – a towel around his head – creeps into the staffroom. Only Mrs Reagan is there to begin with (reading a poetry anthology – Lovers Nosegay) but then Mrs McClusky walks in. Mr Bronson, caught behind the door, freezes and then delicately tip toes out of the room. That’s more like it, a nicely handled comedy moment which helps to erase the non-acting of the Grid Iron crew.

Indeed, having not featured a great deal this year, Sarah Daniels’ first 1988 script is a decent one for Mr Bronson. Post soaking, he has to deal with the sniggers of his fifth form French class (passing around notes that he’s wet himself) although the arrival of Justine, carrying a note for Laura from her mother, gives him the chance to reassert his authority. Was it scripted, or an involuntary reaction from Rachel Victoria Roberts, that Justine responds with a smirk after Mr Bronson booms at her? The latter, I think.

Tegs and Justine head out to the local café for a spot of lunch. En route, Justine spies a clothes shop and goes to investigate. Tegs, keen to please her, shoplifts a scarf she had her eye on. Before he reveals his unconventional present, Tegs tells her about his home life – a mother who left home when he was five, a father in and out of prison and an older brother currently in youth custody. When he tells her that his father was banged up when his mother left them, Justine asks him if he means hospital. This is either a signifier that Justine is more innocent than her streetwise persona might suggest or it’s designed to make Tegs’ situation crystal clear to the younger viewers.

Tegs explains his burglary modus operandi. As touched upon before, GH has had its fair share of criminally inclined children, but it’s always been made clear sense that eventually they would have to face up to the consequences of their actions. Tegs’ unrepentant, unabashed character feels different – mainly because he’s neither portrayed as an inherently “bad” person or a “good” one who’s temporarily gone off the rails. For him, this sort of life seems perfectly normal.

Helen’s latest dare involves her getting a tattoo ….

Written by David Angus.  Tx 22nd January 1988

The Grid Iron crew have been corralled to Mrs McClusky’s office.  As always, Gwyneth Powell is never more delightful than when we see Mrs McClusky turn on the sweetness.  Her feigned surprise at how Mauler and the others play a non-curriculum sport without a ball is nicely done.

Matthew’s dropped back to school after his weekend with his father (played by the non-speaking Bunny Losh).  So Matthew’s father is presented as little more than an intimidating presence – it’s Matthew himself who has to fill in all the blanks.  But considering the lies he’s continuing to spread (there was a strike, he tells Clarke, so they couldn’t go to Amsterdam but ended up touring the Lake District instead) it’s hard to believe anything he says anymore.  Especially when he mentions to Clarke that the Lake District is in Wales.

For once, Mauler and the others take part in a well choreographed comic scene.  Mr Griffiths has gone to the library in order to replace a lightbulb and after climbing the stepladder, he’s able to spot Mauler and his crew forceably “interviewing” a younger pupil.  After Mr Griffiths shouts out, they all quickly grab books from the nearest shelves and adopt poses of innocence!

Mr Robson is certainly a different character from the departed Mr Baxter.  Mr Baxter’s raison detre was to ensure that Grange Hill scooped up as many sports titles as possible – he was never happier than when his teams were crushing opposing schools into the ground.  Mr Robson’s vision of sport revolves around inclusiveness (ensuring that everybody gets a chance to shine) which means that he’s set on a collision course with Freddie, the first team captain, who believes that winning is everything.

Matthew sticking his fingers down his throat in order to make himself throw up is a disturbing image (which thankfully occurs just offscreen).  But it’s another indication that there’s something badly wrong with him (many children aren’t keen to do games, but don’t tend to go to those lengths).  In the girl’s changing rooms, Susi is equally unwilling to get changed, but she doesn’t act up so dramatically.  She’s simply uncommunicative, even brushing off Mrs Reagan’s delicate suggestion that it might be her time of the month.

Again, those with long GH memories might recall that Annette’s reluctance to get undressed during S7 was due to the fact that her body was bruised from physical abuse meted out by her mother.  Either Matthew or Susi could be in the same boat – with Matthew, due to his history of erratic behaviour, looking the more likely victim.

Fiona and Ronnie decide on a name for their hip-hop venture – Fresh ‘n’ Fly.  They meet in Ronnie’s bedroom in order to work on their masterpiece, but aren’t too impressed when Gonch comes calling.  They send him away, although Ronnie feels a pang of conscience afterwards.  But, as Fiona tells him, since Gonch only bothers with her when he feels like it, she shouldn’t feel too bad.  And after being slightly discomforted by Ronnie’s rebuff, Gonch is quite happy talking to Mrs Birtles (Angela Crow), especially when she starts dishing out the tea and cakes.

Mrs Reagan’s new beau, Simon, continues to irritate Laura.  Mind you, it’s hard not to feel slightly creeped out after he tells her that he wasn’t academically inclined at school – instead he spent most of his time watching the girls play tennis.  It’s when he then asks Laura if she plays tennis that you can’t help but squirm a little.  But Simon’s leering and boorish behaviour doesn’t seem to bother Laura’s mother, who locks lips with him as soon as her daughter exits the room.  Cue Laura standing by the door, looking on disapprovingly ….

Written by David Angus.  Tx 19th January 1988

The great PE kit reminder service is in full swing and to assist the process, school equipment (namely the computer and printer) is being pressed into service by Gonch and the others.  There’s nothing so evocative as the sound of a dot matrix printer printing inexorably slowly, whilst it’s interesting to see that Grange Hill still uses BBC B’s.  It’s odd though that back in the heyday of the BBC computer (say 1983) Grange Hill never took the opportunity to utilise them in order to generate a spot of sneaky product placement.  Barbara Thorn, later that year to join The Bill as Inspector Frazer, makes a brief appearance as the computer studies teacher.

It does look like Mauler McCall and his rubbish Grid Iron Crew will be providing this years Harriet the Donkey moments.  They pursue Tegs around the school in a “comedy” chase before deciding to tie Ziggy up.  Ziggy declares that Mauler won’t be laughing for too much longer, but considering the eons it took for him and Robbie to gain revenge over Imelda, I won’t be holding my breath …..

Some of the first years dress up as people from different points in history.  Chrissy isn’t happy with her clothes, but Susi likes what she’s been given to wear.  Although it’s the boy dressed as a Viking (complete with a helmet sporting two very large horns) which really catches the eye.  Whilst Chrissy is out front – glowering – Matthew’s ever increasing web of lies is becoming more obvious.  He’s told Clarke that he’s due to fly to Amsterdam for the weekend with his father, but has trouble in remembering which airport they’re going to use.  Matthew’s habitual storytelling is gently teased out during these early episodes – it’s a signifier that the boy is unhappy, but the reason behind his tall tales remains nebulous at present.

Miss Stone and Mrs McClusky later debate Matthew’s weekend trip, with Mrs McClusky deciding that Matthew could be going to Amsterdam, although it seems unlikely (she declares that it’s rather grand).  Given that the journey from London to Amsterdam is hardly a lengthy one (223 miles) and wouldn’t have been that expensive, this seems like a slightly odd statement to make.

Stephen Churchett’s an actor with one of those faces that you know, but you just can’t remember exactly where you’ve seen him (he’s got a lengthy track record though – from Up Pompeii! in 1970 to EastEnders in 2015).  Today, he’s playing an Education Welfare Officer who is on the hunt for the absent Danny, but is equally happy to snag a truanting Trevor.  Trev, thinking on his feet for once, gives him Vince’s name instead of his own.  Mind you, since the Welfare Officer later gives Mr Bronson a description of “Vince” it’s maybe not as clever as he first thought.

Robbie’s delighted with the way the strip hire business is going, telling Ziggy that they’ll be laughing all the way to the Leeds.  A cultural reference which would have made sense at the time, although is possibly more obscure now.

Old GH hands may find the next scene a little familiar.  Mauler’s suddenly taken an unhealthy interest in Calley but avenging knight Robbie happens to be passing by and isn’t impressed.  This seems to be a definite echo of Gripper’s obsession with Claire (Stewpot, of course, was her knight in shining armour).  But the 1988 love triangle is less effective, mainly because Mauler – a very underdeveloped character anyway – has never shown any interest in Calley before.  Neither has Robbie, it has to be said, but it seems obvious that they’ll become an item soon.  I wonder if Calley’s horoscopes have foretold this?!

Joshua Fenton, as Mauler, pulls some extraordinary faces when Mauler confronts Robbie.  Compared to Gripper (or even Imelda) I’m afraid that Mauler is a very second-division heavy.  He may spout plenty of threats, but there’s no sense that – unlike Gripper or the even more unhinged Booga – he’s actually dangerous.

Things you wouldn’t see today …. Georgina’s latest dare involves her covering her face with yellow food dye and giving us her best Chinese impression.  “Ah so”.  Also appearing in the cookery scene is Susan Field as Mrs Evans.  Like Stephen Churchett. she’s an actor who you might instantly recognise (she was active between 1961 and 2000) even if you can’t name too many of her credits off the top of your head.  SF fans might remember her from the first Blakes 7 episode, The Way Back, where she played the conniving Alta Morag.

The saga of Mr Robson’s missing motorcycle helmet rumbles on throughout the episode. It’s eventually discovered in Mauler’s locker, although he didn’t pinch it (Tegs – looking to gain revenge – framed him).  Mauler’s reaction when he finds it is priceless – pricelessly bad that is.   He opens his mouth wide like a gaping fish.  This is supposed to be shock I guess, but it appears to be another example of bad acting.  Since Fenton will be a regular in the series until the end of series thirteen, I hope he improves soon.  Rather better fare can be found when a desperate Ziggy tries every trick in the book to stop Mr Bronson from inspecting his locker.  He’s innocent of stealing the helmet, but explaining all the PE kits he’s got stashed away might be difficult ….

Written by David Angus.  Tx 15th January 1988

Mrs Reagan is driving her daughter to school.  She comments approvingly that Matthew’s mother has dropped him off a street away from the gates (and also wonders if eventually she’ll detach him from her apron strings totally and let him catch the bus).  Of course, since she’s driving Laura to school this seems like an odd double standard.

Laura’s face is still set in the same expression she’s worn whenever she’s been in her mother’s company recently.  Think of someone sucking a lemon and you won’t be too far from the mark.

Helen and Georgina’s latest dare is to kiss all the boys in the playground.  This causes old-before-her-time Ronnie to tut in a disapproving manner whilst Ziggy is sanguine about the fact that girls are always throwing themselves at him!  Wisely they both decide to give Danny a wide birth – he’s still radiating despair and irritation at being pushed down a year.  He doesn’t pull his punches when Mrs McClusky innocently asks him how he’s getting on.  “The staff don’t know whether to treat me as an invalid or retarded”.

Danny’s returned to his series nine persona.  An uncommunicative individual, unwilling to accept that any of the school rules relate to him.  The first stirrings of the later conflict between Danny and Mr Bronson can be seen after the senior teacher discusses the boy’s wandering ways with Mr Robson.  Mr Bronson believes that they can no longer put his erratic behaviour down to his illness as he’s – apparently – now fully recovered.

Having forgotten his PE kit, Gonch is forced to borrow a strip from Mr Robson.  This leads to a lightbulb moment as he tells a slightly nonplussed Robbie and Ziggy that they should run a PE reminder service (and offer to hire out strips for anybody who forgets to bring theirs).  The only flaw in this wonderful scheme is that Mr Robson already supplies kit – for free – to anybody who’s forgotten to bring their own, so why should anybody pay for the privilege?

Mauler and his ridiculous crew are once again roaming the school corridors, looking for pint-sized first years to use as American footballs.  Tegs seems like the obvious choice but a militant Justine is having none of it.  He finds it hard to say thank you though – as a loner the words don’t come easy – but Justine continues to shadow him nonetheless.  Clearly there’s something about Tegs (his thieving ways?) which fascinates her.  He later shows his gratitude in a non-verbal way.  This is a moment clearly set up to later address Teg’s fondness for taking things which don’t belong to him.

Meanwhile, Matthew’s absent father (he’s working aboard at a secret location apparently) continues to be an object of innocent interest for the others.  It’s plain that there’s rather more to this than meets the eye as Matthew may be many things, but a fluent liar he isn’t.  Possibly this is connected to his, as yet, unspecified home-life issues.

Fiona and Ronnie now venture further afield for their ration of hip-hop tunes.  They’ve gone to a local club, where they run into Danny who’s painting a mural on the wall.  Fiona is keen to get up on stage and perform, and her hip-hop ambitions intrigue the other two – even Danny, who’s rarely shown an interest in anything this year.  Ronnie’s blossoming friendship with Fiona has started to isolate her from her long-term friend Calley, although this means that Jane – reduced during the last few series to a character with only a handful of lines – has now moved slightly more into prominence (she’s now operating as Calley’s confidant).

Written by David Angus. Tx 12th January 1988

It’s surprising that Ronnie and Gonch’s on-off relationship still seems to be just about on (I’d have assumed she would have dumped him by now). It’s the same old story from last year – she’s constantly exasperated that he never shows her any attention (mini-mogul Gonch is too concerned about where his next fortune is coming from).

Calley’s interest in all things astrological is still one of her main character traits. This has been constant since she first appeared in 1985 – which is either decent continuity or a sign that, as yet, nobody’s been able to think of anything better to do with her. Her latest fad is reading bumps – although Jane suddenly becomes less keen to be her guinea pig after Ronnie acidly tells her that it looks as if Calley’s checking for nits ….

Vince is always keen though (and keen to believe) so when Calley tells him that his bumps suggest he’s due a close encounter with something or someone from America he swallows it hook, line and sinker. Calley isn’t being deliberately malicious – it’s simply that other people’s expectations are greater than her own competence. And what does Trevor think of it all? He’s not impressed.

Although Vince and Trevor briefly teamed up in the first episode, they’ve now regressed to their more combative S10 personas – with Trevor keen to ridicule Vince at every opportunity. But some of Trevor’s sting has been drawn by the arrival of Mr Robson (a teacher that he finds impossible to bait in the same way as Mr Scott). This episode Trevor has regained his posse of silent hangers-on. He briefly had a similar in the previous series, but they vanished after an episode or two.

Helen and Georgina had a brief walk-on appearance in episode one, but this is the first time this series that we’ve been able to get reacquainted with them. Imelda might be long gone, but the remaining members of the Terrahawks still possess a sense of mischief (albiet playful, rather than malicious). Georgina dares Helen to tell Mr Bronson the true reason why her homework is incomplete (she was watching a good film starring Clint Eastwood) and Helen duly obliges. This scene was an obvious gift for Michael Sheard – the way that Mr Bronson slowly and unbelievably repeats the words “Clint Eastwood” are worth the price of admission alone.

Helen then dares Georgina to drop something into the lunchtime baked beans. She duly obliges with a bottle of salt and the inevitable hilarity ensues when some Louise later asks for beans and is less than impressed with her salty fare.

Ziggy and Robbie, like Gonch, are strapped for cash – so Robbie suggests a merger. Neither Ziggy or Gonch are keen, but eventually they agree. With three great business brains now working together in perfect harmony, what can possibly go wrong? Let’s wait and see.

Madeline Church makes her first appearance as Miss Stone, a fairly background teacher who appears throughout this series and a few episodes of the next. Miss Stone is keen as mustard to join Mrs Reagan’s keep fit class, whilst Mrs McClusky and Miss Booth are far less enthused (although eventually they’re shamed into attending). Gonch, Ziggy and Robbie – already debating how to make their first fortune – decide to stay in the gym and spy on them.

This is an odd little scene, although it doesn’t seem to be that the boys are perving (they’re simply being mischievous, I think). Their wonderful hiding place? Inside the vaulting horse, of course. Everything’s going swimmingly until the teachers leave and Mr Griffiths locks the gym!

The school disco is still going and there’s a sense that the series is attempting to keep up with the times when Ronnie asks the DJ to pop a hip-hop track on. This meets with the approval of Fiona (Michelle Gayle). From small acorns to the birth of Fresh ‘n’ Fly. The Hip-Hop advisor for the series was the late Mike Allen, at the time a DJ on Capital Radio.

Mr Griffiths is supplied with some top comedy moments – baffled at Calley’s head readings (convinced that she’s checking the others for nits), grumbling at the way his screwdrivers keep getting pinched and (of course) pursuing Gonch, Ziggy and Robbie around the school. He seems to have forgotten that he and Ziggy were allies last year, meaning that they’ve slipped back into their old roles.

Written by Chris Ellis. Tx 8th January 1988

Freddie’s continuing to play the lovesick martyr. Positioning himself at a handy point on the route to school, he presents an abject picture of misery as Laura and Louise pass by. It’s all part of his master plan to ensnare Laura of course (quite why he’s suddenly decided that Laura is the only girl for him is a mystery). His cunning ways weren’t well received by his younger sister earlier on though. Chrissy tells him that he’s “disgusting” before stomping off to school by herself! Laura’s well aware of the game he’s playing, but she’s content to let him carry on for now. There’s a vague element of humour here, but it’s all rather laboured.

Matthew and Clarke’s friendship continues to bloom. Matthew seems to have decided that Grange Hill isn’t as bad as he’d feared …. and that’s when Mauler McCaul turns up. Like the rest of his gang, he roams the school corridors in full American football gear (like Freddie’s moping this seems less than credible) looking for vulnerable youngsters to use as a ball. Is this going provide us with S11’s Harriet the Donkey moments? Hopefully it gets, ahem, kicked into touch soon.

A little more dramatic meat is provided by a continuing spate of thefts. Miss Booth – with no evidence – seems to believe that Tegs is responsible whilst the new head of the first year – Mrs Reagan – seems much more relaxed about the whole affair. So far we’ve seen very little of Tegs, although we’ve heard quite a lot about him. Most of the accounts have been negative – meaning that his card already seems to have been marked by some of the teachers (especially Miss Booth who, despite her free and easy air, has been shown in the past to be rather dogmatic and inflexible). That his character has been sharply defined in his absence is an interesting touch – the question is, will he live up to these low expectations?

Gonch still hasn’t given up on his money-making exercises (even if his right-hand man Hollo has disappeared – never to be spoken of again). This episode he’s giving the first years a guided tour of the building and, complete with his rolled up umbrella, he’s the epitome of a cheerful tour guide. The moment when he introduces Mr Griffiths as one of Grange Hill’s finest ancient moments is a proper laugh-out-loud moment.

That pair of juvenile delinquents – Tegs and Justine – find their relationship developing. Both are cooling their heels outside Mrs McClusky’s office – Tegs because of his poor attendance (and it’s only day two) and Justine because of her shocking pick blouse.

There’s a cracking cliffhanger. Laura returns home to find out the reason why her mother has had in a spring in her step recently. She’s got a new boyfriend, the oily, moustachioed Simon (Peter Meakin). His opening line is a classic. “So this is the lovely Laura. But not quite as lovely as her mother”. I think the way he rubs the back of Mrs Reagan’s neck whilst saying this is what makes the moment just a little off-putting.

I think we’re going to have trouble with this new arrival ….

Written by Chris Ellis. Tx 5th January 1988

This episode saw the debut of a new title sequence and a re-arranged version of Chicken Man. Although both moves might have upset some old-timers, you can’t really argue that it wasn’t overdue. The original titles may have been iconic, but they always looked rather old fashioned, even back in the seventies. The new titles are more frenetic (Phil Cool, remember him?) but not as distinctive. In some respects they seem like a placeholder between the originals and the more successful nineties efforts.

A new group of first years are rapidly introduced. For those who like to compare the new arrivals to old boys and girls (looking for archetypes) then Chrissy Mainwaring (Sonya Kearns) and Susi Young (Lynne Radford) fit very nicely as the new Trisha/Cathy, Fay/Annette or Calley/Ronnie. Throw in Justine Dean (Rachel Victoria Roberts) as a fashion rebel very similar to Trisha and it’s plain that – to begin with – the series was treading familiar ground with these new characters.

But Matthew Pearson (Paul Adams) and Clarke Trent (Darren Cudjoe) are hardly in the mould of Tucker/Alan, Zammo/Jonah or Gonch/Hollo. Matthew is positioned more as a Justin Bennett type – a fish out of water at Grange Hill – whilst poor Clarke (you possibly won’t be surprised to learn that he receives a few Superman jibes) seems to exist mainly to line feed his new friend.

Our first sight of Matthew sees him looking longingly at the comfort and security of home from the back seat of his mother’s car as she drives him and his sister to school. If the point that he’s an unwilling new pupil needs to be hammered home, then luckily his annoying younger sister is on hand to tell him exactly what awaits him (namely that his head will be shoved down the toilet on a regular basis!).

For the loveable bad-boy quotient, you have to look to Tegs Ratcliffe (Sean Maguire). Out of the newcomers, Tegs makes the most immediate impression. Grange Hill might have had its fair share of tearaways in the past, but Tegs is a little unusual. He’s sold to us as a positive character, even though his background is a dubious one (his family are comprised of unsuccessful petty criminals whilst he’s already racked up an impressive criminal record as well).

In time we’ll see how the isolated Tegs forms a bond with Justine which – again – is an uncommon move for the series. It wasn’t totally unheard of (Trisha and Simon Shaw for example, or Duane and Tracy/Clare) but those examples demonstrate that friendships between first year boys and girls hadn’t happened for some time.

Series eleven also saw the introduction of Mr Robson (Stuart Organ). He was by far the longest serving cast member (notching up 264 episodes) although I doubt few would have predicted back in 1988 that he would become such a fixture (he eventually left in 2003, shortly after the show relocated to Liverpool).

A few older pupils suddenly pop up without warning later on this year (an occasional hazard at this school). Fiona Wilson (Michelle Gayle) slots in neatly with the other fourth form girls whilst Mauler McCaul (Joshua Fenton) and Ted Fisk (Ian Congdon-Lee) initially exist solely to cause grief to the younger pupils.

Fair to say that Mauler’s not exactly a bully in the Gripper class (or even Imelda, come to that). He’s played much more for laughs with Ted operating as his even dimmer sidekick. But for those prepared to stick with the series, Ted’s character will undergo something of a transformation in the years to come …..

The opening few minutes plays out in a predictable way as we see various characters making their way to school – some willingly, some not. The old hands – Ziggy and Robbie – are quite casual whilst some of the younger pupils – like Susi – are more anxious. Luckily, she’s got a confident friend in Justine, who tells her that the horror stories she’s heard (about getting beaten up and having her dinner money pinched) are all rubbish. Justine’s positive attitude is therefore shown to be in sharp contrast to Matthew’s more negative viewpoint (like Susi he seems to think that everybody’s looking at him – hence the way he flinches when his mother attempts to give him a goodbye kiss).

It’s an old trick, but during these early scenes with Matthew, the camera is placed low – at his level – which makes the sudden arrival into the frame of Trevor and Vince (keen to make Matthew’s first day extra special) a little more impactful. A pity that Paul Adams seems to be registering amusement more than fear during this scene, but no doubt this was down to inexperience (although he did have a few credits prior to GH).

A few golden oldies from years gone by are given another airing – such as when Trevor and Ziggy send the first years the wrong way to the assembly hall. Another rehash from the first episode back in 1978 finds Matthew left alone in the assembly hall (everyone else has been assigned a form apart from him). Whilst this is almost certainly an intentional homage, it’s probably not a moment tailored for long term fans. Indeed, GH‘s core audience was no doubt self-renewing (new ones joining as the older ones moved on to the likes of EastEnders) so this would have seemed fresh to most of the viewers.

Both Chrissy and Justine seem to be channelling Trisha Yates. Chrissy has an overbearing older relative also at the school (in her case, Freddie) whilst Justine has a highly relaxed attitude to school uniform, which is sure to get her into trouble.

Poor Freddie is bereft to learn that Julia won’t be coming back to Grange Hill. Sorry? Considering the way that he’s burned his way through the female population at GH, it’s hard to take his sorrowful persona very seriously. But with Julia gone (and Banksie too) that leaves the way open for Freddie and Laura to hook up …..

Mr Robson lays down a marker with E4 right from the moment he first walks into the room. With a stentorian rant, he instantly silences them (easy to see that he’s not going to be a walkover like Mr Scott last year).

Mr Bronson and Danny pick up where they left off. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m growing older, but I now find it much easier to side with Mr Bronson than I do with Danny. The boy’s clearly aggrieved at being kept down a year, but since – due to his illness – he’s missed a considerable amount of coursework it’s easy to see why the decision was taken. Unlike his earlier targeting of Zammo and Ant, there doesn’t seem to be any malice – at present – from Mr Bronson’s side of the table.

Written by David Angus.  Tx 27th March 1987

The sun is (mostly) shining on the day of the great cricket charity match, with the on-field activity playing out mostly as you’d expect.  Freddie and Julia are first up for the pupils (she continues to grizzle – wondering why he picked her instead of Julie – whilst he typically takes charge, telling her only to run when he says so).

It shouldn’t surprise you to learn that those – such as Freddie – who weren’t particularly in favour of a mixed match are the ones to perish most embarrassingly.  He’s bowled by Mrs McClusky and caught by Miss Booth – something which delights them and disgusts him!

When the staff step up to the crease, Mr Glover also has a humiliating exit although Mr Bronson, by contrast, is able to leave with dignity.  The way that Mr Bronson – immaculately dressed with his cricket cap and dickey-bow – confidentially takes command of the wicket suggests that he’ll also be set for an early bath.  And so he is, but Mr Bronson displays hidden depths as he accepts the decision without a murmur, only pausing to complement Robbie on the quality of his delivery.  The normally placid Mr Mackenzie doesn’t take things so well though – leaving the crease with a very ill grace ….

The cricket match is a light-hearted spot of end-of-term fun, allowing us to see the staff (especially Mrs McClusky in something of a new light).  The way that Mrs McClusky flings herself around the pitch with wild abandon is something of a treat.

But the episode also serves to wrap up some long-running plot threads, although others are left dangling.  Zammo and Jackie finally pluck up the courage to postpone their wedding plans, although they do say it’s only postponed – not cancelled (maybe they will marry in the future, just not yet).

The relationship between Ant and Georgina has come to a more permanent end though.  This was something I thought had been wrapped up a few episodes ago, but series ten never seems to know when a story is dead and buried.  So for the umpteenth time Georgina tells Ant that she’s finished with him, leaving the boy to once again smoulder with the injustice of it all.

The Banksie/Lucy/Laura triangle remains unresolved.  There certainly seems to be an attraction between Banksie and Lucy (although since he’s working at the school where she’s a pupil, surely there’s the potential for a Mr King/Fay type problem?).  Although neither directly articulate their feelings, Laura does – she’s still cast as the jealous one – but we never see Banksie make an on-screen choice.

Before we wave goodbye to the pupils of Hazelrigg Road, there’s another opportunity to see how the presence of disabled children discomforts one of the regulars.  Hollo, collecting bets on the cricket match, takes a wager from Perry, but is apprehensive when he’s told that he’ll need to reach into his pocket to get the money.  This is pretty much Hollo’s last major scene in the series, as he’s one of a number of regulars not to return next year.

The absence of the sixth-formers is understandable (although the concept of an upper-sixth form had been established, we wouldn’t see it in operation for a few years) as is the fact that Ant Jones no longer continues to darken the doors of Grange Hill (he was already surplus to requirements this year).

There’s also something of a teacher clear-out, as Mr Kennedy, Mr Scott and Miss Partridge all vanish without a word.  The absence of Mr Scott from series eleven is slightly irksome.  Since the travails of his character was one of the major themes of series ten, it’s impossible not to feel a little short-changed by the fact that we’ll never learn if he did turn out to be a capable teacher after all.

As the staff and pupils end proceedings with a conga (all except Ant – who’s yet again positioned as the outsider looking in) it concludes the weakest season by some margin of GH to date.  There were some positives – it was nice to see Banksie receive a decent storyline, Mr Scott’s journey (despite his abrupt exit) was also not without interest – but the negatives – Harriet the donkey, slapdash and sloppy scripting (some storylines seemed interminable, others weren’t as developed as they could have been) – tended to overshadow the good moments.

Series eleven offers the chance for a fresh start, with a new roster of first years.  Will the quality pick up?  We shall see shortly.

Written by David Angus.  Tx 24th March 1987

The day after the sit-in, the post-mortems begin.  Trevor, who played no part in it, tells the others that it was a pointless exercise which achieved nothing.  He may partly be attempting to wind them up, but it’s hard not to agree with him.  Nice though, for once, to see that Mr Scott’s tutorial is peaceful.  Maybe the fact he nearly came to blows previously with Trevor has done the trick or possibly everybody’s just too deflated to lark about.

The ringleaders, on their way to a meeting with Mrs McClusky, debate what to do if they end up with none of their demands met.  The answers simple – Roland has to go on a hunger strike.  He’s not keen …

Mrs McClusky tells them that the staff handbook will be redrafted and the issue of closed profiles was already under review prior to the pupil’s revolt.  It’s possible to wonder whether this was actually the case – maybe Mrs McClusky, always a skilled politician, is being somewhat economical with the truth.  One thing’s for certain, she never believes in conceding ground or appearing to be weak in front of the pupils.

But the likes of Freddie, equally adept with the concepts of political spin, are also able to bend the truth so that they don’t emerge humiliated.  He’s also revealed to be a man of many voices, although his Scottish accent requires a bit more work (Nicholas Donnelly’s is much more convincing).

With this plotline winding down, there’s just time to start another.  Ziggy’s participation in an upcoming friendly cricket match between the staff and pupils looks to be in doubt due to his injured leg.  Helen offers to play, although she’s met with jeers from some of the boys – she’s a girl, so of course she can’t play cricket.  The likes of Mr Kennedy are also a little dubious – could the girls face up to the awesome bowling power of Steven Banks?  Ah, the battle of the sexes is always a fruitful area for drama – a pity it’s surfaced so late in series ten, had it bubbled away for a while it would have been more entertaining than the endless adventures of Harriet.

The sixth-formers want to use the canteen on Saturday, after the cricket, as a venue to celebrate Jackie and Zammo’s upcoming wedding.  But they know that Mr Griffiths will never agree so they have to be cunning.  That’s why Fay and Julie, the minxes, con him into believing that they’re organising a party in his honour, with Mrs McClusky in attendance.  When he realises that Mrs McClusky is coming (they’re such fluent liars!) he starts to waver.

Hard to believe that the saga of the Grange Hill ghost is still lingering on.  Surely this is a horse that has been flogged to death by now?  But no, Ziggy and Gonch are able to once again convince the always-gullible Trevor that down in the basement a walled up ghost exists.  Is this a different one from the cane-wielding psychopath we’d previously learned about?

Anyway, it involves a hoover (to suck up the ectoplasm of course) and Hollo, masquerading as a ghost, stuck behind the wall.  The first Grange Hill ghost was good fun but as has happened elsewhere this year, at this point the series doesn’t seem to know when to leave well alone.  I mean, it’s been established again and again that Trevor’s not the brightest, but surely not even he would be dull enough to fall for this routine yet again?!

Zammo and Jackie continue to put on brave faces, each telling the other that they have no doubts.  But when they hug, the camera switches between both of their anxious faces.  And Jackie, a nice touch, also focuses on her engagement ring – something which has come to symbolise discord and worry, not joy.

Written by Barry Purchese.  Tx 20th March 1987

The atmosphere of dissent continues.  Huddled secret meetings are the order of the day whilst Mr Bronson, observing the front entrance from on high, looks down impassively.  Julia’s role as a mole is once again restated as she’s delivered to school by her father who informs Mr Bronson that “she knows what’s expected of her”.  Julia doesn’t say anything, she just stares out of the car window ….

Danny might have previously been disinclined to get involved, but he can’t help himself – he’s convinced they’re in desperate need of organising.  It’s a little embarrassing that nobody else considered what would happen if the teachers decided to cut the power – how can you broadcast your demands without electricity?  Danny suggests they set up another base in the sixth form building (which has an independent power source that can’t be switched off).  He also reveals Julia’s true role to the others, but if they feed her disinformation then she can be an asset not a hindrance.

But before the fun and games of the sit-in, school life goes on as normal.  An informal meeting between Miss Partridge and a group of sixth formers helps to restate the lessons that Banksie’s learnt whilst he’s been at Hazelrigg Road,

A nice incidental detail is provided when we see a relaxed Mr Bronson swigging from his coffee mug.  It’s garishly decorated with two parrots (last year he suffered an off-screen attack from his sister’s pet bird, so it could be that they – along with steam engines – are something of a passion with him).

Julie, Fay and Jackie (slightly grizzling about traditional gender roles) are busy making the sandwiches for the sit-in.  But when the topic turns to the catering for Jackie’s wedding, she breaks down in tears.  Nerves or are doubts beginning to creep up on her?  It’s notable that she tells the others that Zammo’s really keen to get married (she clearly hasn’t been looking at his face recently as he’s been wearing a hangdog expression for some time).  As for her, now that she’s engaged she believes that their union is binding and irreversible.  It’s also very interesting that she suggests it could be worse – at least she likes Zammo.  Likes, not loves.

Meanwhile Zammo and Banksie are at the supermarket, stocking up on sit-in supplies.  Uniting in a common cause seems to have healed the rift between them, but the main reason for this scene becomes obvious when Banksie runs into one of his brother’s friends.  He’s only a few years older than them but he’s saddled with several children (and another on the way).  His wife – in the few seconds we see her – seems less than sympathetic, so the general picture created by this brief thumbnail sketch implies that marriage = loss of freedom.  Exactly what the shaky Zammo doesn’t want to hear.

Cheryl, Freddie, Julie and Ziggy have commandeered the radio room and broadcast to the school, requesting that their fellow pupils occupy the building.  They pop on a record – Sonic Boom Boy by Westworld – which then becomes the soundtrack for a score of enthusiastic extras who use everything they can find (chairs, blackboards) to barricade themselves into the classrooms.

Mrs McClusky is calmness personified.  She’s happy to accede to one of their demands – an interview – if it takes place in her office and they abandon the sit-in.  She also suggests disconnecting the speakers might be less disruptive than cutting the power.  And she’s not too concerned that her fellow teachers are unable to get into the classrooms – since at present they know exactly where the problematic pupils are.

I do like the fact that Hollo’s following Mr Griffiths about, meaning that every time the caretaker disconnects a speaker, it’s immediately reconnected!  At this point, pop fans, The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades by Timbuk 3 is playing.

It’s also entertaining that even when the pupils outmanoeuvre them, it’s Mr Bronson and the recently arrived Mr Glover who resort to running about like headless chickens.  Mrs McClusky continues to be very laid back.

With events now having relocated to the sixth form building, the extras – standing outside – are having a fine old time, chanting “‘ere we go, ‘ere we go, ‘ere we go” with gusto whilst Miss Partridge, Miss Booth and Mrs Reagan look on less enthusiastically.

Mrs McClusky’s plan for restoring order is simple but effective.  Ring the bell for afternoon lessons and the chanting pupils outside are drawn back to the school hypnotically.  Slightly hard to believe, but there’s possibly a point being made here about the manipulation of the masses (since they were just as easily swayed by the sloganeering of the rebels, the bulk of the school community – like the electorate at large – can be capricious and unpredictable).

This leaves the others, barricaded in the sixth form common room, in something of a bind.  It’s pointless broadcasting messages of democratic freedom when there’s nobody around to listen to them ….

Written by Barry Purchese.  Tx 17th March 1987

The pupils are still revolting, as it were.  Freddie and Laura (unusual that she’s shown here to be something of an anti-establishment firebrand) are miffed at a new directive issued by Mr Bronson.  Any pupil found to be deliberately misinterpreting the school rules will face punishment.

Freddie and Laura affect surprise and shock at this, but it can hardly have come as a surprise.  So are they genuinely upset or simply pretending for Miss Booth’s sake?  It appears to be the former, but that’s slightly hard to credit.  It’s also noteworthy that Mr Bronson isn’t the one to issue this decree, instead he remains off-stage whilst Miss Booth is cast in the unusual position of the hard woman.

It later transpires that he only intends to announce his proclamation personally to specific classes – such as E3.  The reason is plain – he can’t trust Mr Scott to do so.  That he explains this to Mr Scott – in the middle of the staffroom where everybody can overhear – is typical of Mr Bronson.  But he’s called away for a meeting with Mrs McClusky, so Mr Scott is given the joy of reading the message.

When Mr Bronson later tangles with a group of fourth-formers holding a protest meeting (Freddie and Laura are again involved) he’s at his most implacable.  The conciliatory approach doesn’t seem to be on his agenda, instead he plans to stamp down hard.  But it’s this autocratic approach which is fermenting rebellion and dissent all over the school – right up to the sixth-formers.

This sudden wave of anti-school feeling is a little hard to take seriously.  Yes, some points – closed profiles – have been debated in previous episodes but for such a staff/pupil breakdown to have occurred you’d expect there to have been many more flashpoints.  The strict interpretation of the school rules (walking in the corridors at all times, etc) was one way of protesting at the inequalities inherent in the system, but ramping it up so suddenly seems a little unnatural.

Trevor, as he has all year, alternates between being a bully and a buffoon.  On the one hand he’s keen to gain revenge on Mr Scott (where he’s allowed to be rather unpleasant) but on the other he continues to be haunted (sorry) by the Grange Hill ghost.  Gonch, Hollo, Ziggy and Robbie agree to disrupt Mr Scott’s lesson (only a few episodes ago they’d elected to ease off on the troublemaking) although they have an ulterior motive – Trevor agrees to join them later in a spot of ghostbusting.  And once they’ve humiliated Trevor again, surely Mr Scott’s troubles will be over ….

Trevor has elected to use that old chestnut – humming.  If a number of people, in different positions, all hum at the same time then it’ll be impossible to determine where the noise is coming from.  Long-time GH watchers will remember that this has been done before, although not with the spectacular results we see here.  Mr Scott might have had a very long tether, but eventually he’s come to the end of it.  He heads for the door as Trevor jeers “that’s it. Run off and get your boyfriend Kennedy”.  Once the words are out of his mouth the mood in the classroom changes.

Mr Scott turns around, the humming abruptly stops and he approaches Trevor very slowly.  As with Trevor’s previous classroom taunting of Mr Scott, everybody else is now quiet and immobile, which helps to focus all of our attention on the pair of them.  Mr Scott grabs him by the throat and aims a punch at his head … but doesn’t deliver it.  Old-school GH teachers may have smacked the pupils about, but by 1987 it clearly wasn’t acceptable – or if it did happen then the teacher would have had to lose his job straight away.  Is it significant that Mr Scott pauses after Ronnie calls out to him?

There’s a lovely meeting between Mrs McClusky and Mr Bronson.  She’s very, very miffed that he’s gone ahead with his directive without consulting her.  “You sought to determine school policy without reference to me”.  She’s not a happy bunny.

Kelly George, later to return to the series as Ray, makes his debut as a St Joseph’s pupil who tangles with Danny.  Yes, Danny’s back, although he’s not interested in joining the others in their protest.  They plan to occupy Radio Grange Hill and broadcast messages of freedom.  Hmm, I can foresee that isn’t going to end well.  But for all his studied disinterest he still quickly works out that Julia is working as a mole for her father (Freddie suspected it, but he didn’t have any evidence – only the fact that her dislike for him might be a factor).

Written by Margaret Simpson.  Tx 13th March 1987

Laura isn’t keen on joining Banksie and Lucy at the craft fair, which somewhat annoys him.  It’s very noticeable that Mrs Reagan’s earlier antagonism towards Banksie has now totally dissipated – a pity that we didn’t see this thaw happen though (not for the first time events are taking place off-screen).

It’s initially not clear why Laura doesn’t want to go.  Is she tiring of Banksie or is Lucy the problem?  Laura later confides to Julia that Lucy – and specifically her disability – was the reason.  This isn’t something which reflects well on Laura, but it was inevitable that at least one character would have to articulate this viewpoint.

After expressing surprise that Lucy looked nice (“I thought she’d be twisted and, well, ugly”) Laura then goes on to list a whole litany of things which upset her.  “I can’t even stand people who are fat or ugly or who’ve got birthmarks or who limp or old women with bits of hair growing out of their chins. Can’t stand that”.  Crickey! Clearly Laura is only interested in perfection.

But if Lucy’s presence has highlighted all of Laura’s negative traits then it’s done the opposite for Banksie as working at Hazelrigg School has been a revelation for him.  He tells Lucy that it’s the first time he feels that he’s appreciated and treated like a human being.

Lucy continues to be a character with depths – we’re never invited to feel sorry for her, the fact that she’s disabled is a part of who she is but it’s not something which defines her.  In other ways she’s a typically mischievous teenager (keen to do a bit of shoplifting) and – like Calley and the others – is also interested in fashion and jewellery (both Lucy and Calley buy earrings from Fay’s stall at the craft fair).

Donkey Watch.  Harriet’s finally been offloaded to the donkey sanctuary in Essex which means that a weight has been lifted off Mr Griffiths’ shoulders (and I’m sure also from the viewers).  Helen is a bit teary but I’m sure she’ll get over it.  Bye, bye Harriet.

Ant and Georgina continue to glower at each other.  He’s not terribly pleased that she’s decided to spend her Saturday with Mr Griffiths, Helen and Harriet rather than him.  And when he’s not getting aggro from Georgina then some long-haired fellow pupils at St Josephs are also on hand to taunt him that he’s a Grange Hill lad at heart.  But the truth is that Ant doesn’t seem to be happy anywhere.

Ronnie and Gonch still seem to be a couple.  Their relationship – such as it is – has to be one of the most underdeveloped we’ve ever seen.

Julie’s choosing material for her bridesmaid’s dress, Jackie’s trying on bridal gowns, whilst Zammo’s tagging along – alternately sulking and viewing the assembled wedding paraphernalia with barely concealed horror.  It couldn’t be more obvious that he still believes that they’re rushing into marriage, but he lacks the courage to speak up.

If Zammo’s educational journey this year (he passed just about all his resits) seemed slightly unlikely (he never appeared to be a particularly gifted pupil) then Fay’s journey (she failed just about all of hers) was also slightly surprising.

The reasons are teased out in this episode as it appears that, despite the passage of time, she still hasn’t put Mr King behind her.  She’s mentioned him numerous times during the year which means that his appearance at the craft fair comes as something of a jolt.  First he encounters Miss Booth (also selling her wares) who tells him that Fay’s doing okay (the way he can’t meet her eyes is a telling moment – the guilt he feels is quite palpable).  Fay’s delighted to see him but less delighted when she realises that he’s come with a girlfriend in tow.  Mr King has moved on – new job, new relationship, new life – which only serves to reinforce how in comparison Fay has remained in stasis.

Part of her might have remained hopeful that he’d return and they’d pick up where they left off (a slim part maybe) but now she knows that’s impossible.  The camera is quick to pick up on this as Fay is given an extreme close-up at the exact moment when she realises the truth.  Poor Fay.  She’s somewhat been through the wringer during the past year, but this should hopefully serve as the wake-up call she so desperately needed.

Written by Margaret Simpson.  Tx 10th March 1987

Last time E3 resolved to stop giving Mr Scott a hard time.  Their resolution didn’t last very long though (another example of sloppy script-editing?) as here we see them – even Ronnie – refusing to come into registration.  The reason?  They’re obeying the rule in the staff handbook which states that “pupils must walk in the corridors at all times”.

This is a civil disobedience action which the whole school is indulging in.  But whilst the other teachers are quickly able to take order, Mr Scott remains as ineffectual as ever.  It takes a passing Mr McKenzie to crack the whip and restore the status quo – whilst his apology to Mr Scott (given the general level of anarchy he hadn’t realised a teacher was present) seems to be a further nail in the younger man’s coffin.

Mr Scott and Mr Kennedy have another staff-room heart to heart, which again consists of Mr Kennedy barely managing to keep his temper in check.  But finally Mr Scott seems to have made a breakthrough, as his science class – where he dissects a heart – captures everybody’s attention.

It’s an obvious touch that hardman Trevor would is the one to buckle at this sight (he rushes off to throw up) but the fact that Mr Scott, when given interesting material, is able to command the room offers hope for the future.  There are numerous reaction shots of both the regulars and extras, which helps to sell the fact that the lesson was a success.

Julia and Laura were pretty inseparable during S9 but that hasn’t been the case this year.  Mainly this is due to the fact that Laura was inexplicably absent for the first half of this series, but even now – when they’re both together – there’s a feeling of discord.  This is thanks to Mr Glover, who is keen to discover the ringleaders driving the work to rule campaign and elects to use Julia as a mole.  A skiing holiday is the carrot and Julia seems only too happy to betray her friends, including Laura.  This is an interesting wrinkle, just a pity that it couldn’t have been developed a little earlier (this is one storyline that might have benefitted from being spread across a number of episodes).

Gonch, Robbie and Hollo decide to follow another directive in the staff handbook, which states that skirts should be worn for cricket.  This allows Mr Bronson the chance to utter the following wonderful line.  “You boys in skirts. Come here!”.

Mrs McClusky only makes a brief appearance, but it’s a telling one.  She wonders if, given the general state of affairs, they should have listened more sympathetically to the grievances outlined by the pupils.  Mr Bronson characteristically disagrees – this anarchy must be crushed and crushed quickly.  Mrs McClusky (particularly in her early years) was always prepared to steamroller any opposition – is she mellowing in her old age?

Roland’s sponsored diet, in aid of the Danny Kendal fund, is a boon for Gonch and Hollo who – with a crushing sense of inevitability – are running a book on how much he’s going to lose.  And when Roland’s impressive weight loss starts to make them worry they might lose a fortune, it’s equally inevitable that they decide to nobble him (by dropping handfuls of chocolate bars into his bag).  The old Roland would have scoffed them down without a single thought but the new, improved Roland seems made of sterner stuff.

Banksie’s a hit at Hazelrigg Road, interacting with the children and impressing the staff, but the time he’s spending there seems to be impacting his relationship with Laura.  It’s only hinted at here, but it seems that it’s a place she has no wish to visit.  So when Banksie tells Lucy that he and Laura will be happy to escort her to the craft fair (which is in a wheelchair unfriendly building – hence the need for two people) it’s not to hard to guess the direction this storyline will take.

Donkey Watch.  Harriet’s still not well and even Helen’s baby talk doesn’t seem to be doing any good.  And after the donkey once again nibbles the bushes (“What will Mrs McClusky say?” wails Mr Griffiths, not for the first time) everybody’s forced yet again to ponder Harriet’s future.  Gonch believes that she’d be best off as cat food(!) but moving to the countryside (to a donkey sanctuary) sounds like a better bet.

Praise be!  A pity that this couldn’t have been done some fifteen episodes previously but I believe at long last there’s a light at the end of this interminable tunnel.

Written by Chris Ellis.  Tx 6th March 1987

Fay’s received her exam results and is somewhat disappointed – only one pass.  Miss Booth – attempting to pour oil on troubled waters – sees a silver lining.  Fay’s recently shown an aptitude for designing jewellery, so maybe her future lies in that direction.

Fay is understandably a little doubtful – turn a hobby into a full-time career?  It’s possibly not surprising that Miss Booth – an art teacher – is the one to suggest that academic qualifications aren’t the be all and end all.  Fay brightens a little when the teacher suggests they both take a stall at the upcoming craft fair, although as we’ll see, this is a plot point that’s been set up for a specific reason ….

The day when Trevor takes control of E3’s tutorial period has arrived and as might be expected it’s a car crash. Mr Scott bleats ineffectively in the corner that he has to take the register (because it’s a legal document) whilst Trevor rides roughshod over him.  Given Mr Scott’s surname (he’s been dubbed Selina by Trevor), it’s not a shock that Trevor decides to make Selina Scott his topic for discussion.  As the boy continues to needle away, there’s a sense that Mr Scott’s finally reaching his breaking point …

But then we cut away to the sixth form common room.  Boo!  They’re not happy with the way that the previous day’s meeting turned out (it’s interesting that once again Miss Partridge is present – she’s very much aligned herself with the pupils rather than her fellow staff members).

You can cut the tension with a cricket stump when Miss Booth pops her head around the door.  Miss Partridge and Miss Booth had something of a difference of opinion during yesterday’s meeting and now Miss Partridge seems slightly irked that Fay (on Miss Booth’s urging) wants to swop her current studies for a CPVE course which will allow her to concentrate on her creative side.  Both are too polite to shout at each other but Miss Partridge makes the point that “supporting the kids and their ideas is not necessarily an act of high treason against the staff”.

So we’re back with Trevor and Mr Scott.  The teacher continues to stare into the distance whilst Trevor, pacing around, is having a fine old time.  Eventually Mr Scott snaps and grabbing Trevor by his tie tells him that “I’m sick of your stupid behaviour, juvenile” before storming out.  Previous tutorials have seen everybody – bar Ronnie – acting up, but it’s noticeable that here only Trevor (and maybe Vince, slightly) indulged.  The rest of the class remained silent – which was especially powerful when Trevor (left with the field of battle) proclaimed that he was the winner (“wasn’t I?”).  A pyrrhic victory then.

The rest of the class, realising that Trevor’s gone too far, decide to behave in future.  This mirrors Mr Knowles’ storyline during S6, although that took place over the course of a single episode rather than eighteen.  But even if they all agree, what about Trevor?  Gonch’s plan to cut him down to size is continuing and the next part of his plan involves Calley reading a specially doctored horoscope over the airwaves ….

One twist with Mr Scott that we didn’t see with Mr Knowles is that the girls tell him they’ve decided to behave.  If they were expecting him to be grateful then they’re disappointed, as the humiliation he feels is palpable.

Banksie and Laura have a wonderful argument.  It all starts when he calls her mother two faced!  At least with Bronson, he says, you know where you stand.  Uh oh.

Freddie (whose radio persona seems to have solidified into a young Bruno Brookes) decides to broadcast some contentious material about the school handbook.  No surprise that Mr Bronson (rather wonderfully relaxing in a classroom, reading a bumper book about Steam Locomotives) isn’t at all happy.  In double quick team he reaches the studio, where he looms in a menacing fashion.  “Right, that is enough”.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen an angry Mr Bronson (not since his running battles with Ant last year).  He doesn’t shout at Freddie though – instead his fury is restrained, making it all the more menacing.  Freddie shrugs it off, but it’s plain that in this situation there’s only going to be one victor.

Donkey Watch.  And still the saga of Harriet rumbles on, seemingly a never-ending story.  She’s right off her food and not even the sweet nothings whispered by Mr Griffiths seem to do the trick.  Then Helen pops her head around the stable door for some more words of encouragement, but Harriet remains non-committal.

The manifestation of the Grange Hill ghost is wonderfully silly.  A definite highlight from series ten.

There’s another slice of muddy football action as Ant finds himself under attack from all sides.  Freddie continues to cast unfriendly glances in his direction, whilst Ant’s teammates are convinced he’s being soft on his former schoolfriends.  Even Ronnie (who lest we forget once had a crush on him) and Jane regard him as a traitor and – by association – Georgina.  This might have been a fruitful avenue to explore – Georgina’s love for Ant making her an outcast at Grange Hill – but it never was (mainly because at present Georgina rarely interacts with the likes of Calley, Ronnie and Jane).

Written by Chris Ellis.  Tx 3rd March 1987

Freddie, Julie, Ziggy, Robbie and Vince are heartened by a taped message from Danny in which he states that he’s doing well in Aberdeen.  But Roland, passing by, tells them that he’s heard – via Miss Partridge – that the truth is somewhat different.  Everybody’s worried about Danny’s progress (so presumably he’s just putting a brave face on for his friends).

That the others – especially Ziggy – choose not to believe Roland is telling.  Ziggy’s comment of “teachers” suggests that any information received from teachers must be misinformation.  This could tie into the general simmering discontent between pupils and staff, or it could be another example of Ziggy’s skewered judgement.

But at least Ziggy (staggering about on crutches after his not at all dramatic fall during the football match) is prepared to shake Ant’s hand and let bygones be bygones.  He’s the only one though as everybody else either gives Ant the silent treatment (Calley, Ronnie), makes an ironic joke (Gonch, Hollo) or calls him a villain (Freddie).  Poor Ant.  Since he doesn’t seem to be getting on too well at his new school (he mentions that most of his friends are still at GH) it’s plain that life’s not treating him well at present.

Donkey Watch.  The vet’s got good news … and bad news.  Harriet’s trip to the park (and a munch of the rhododendron bushes) has left her stomach a bit upset.  But she should make a full recovery.  Thank goodness.

Previously we were told that Imelda was the rotten apple of E3 and if she was removed then Mr Scott would be able to regain control of the class.  This isn’t how things have played out though – his affable persona from the canal trip seems to have dissipated and once again he’s hopelessly adrift as he allows the class to run riot.

Mr Scott’s proclamation that “the register is a legal document and must be taken twice daily” doesn’t have the reaction he hopes for.  His attempt to wrest the register from a previously unseen E3 girl ends up with Mr Scott scrabbling about on the floor.  With a complete loss of dignity and everybody (save Ronnie) jeering at him, this is by far his worst day at the office.

He then decides to re-establish his authority by placing any latecomers in detention, a fact which doesn’t please the very late Trevor.  Mr Scott then tries to win back E3 by telling them that he plans to let each of them organise the form tutorial.  Ronnie knows that this is a very bad idea … made even worse by the fact that Trevor will be first up.

Although Trevor’s somewhat intimidating during class (and also has been at various other points during S10) his hardman image always tends to get punctured very quickly – as demonstrated when Gonch tells him the story of the Grange Hill ghost.

Some old teacher from years ago. He used to beat kids ’till the blood run down his cane. Apparently he used to have lots of canes named after famous battleships. Then one day, one break it was, he mysteriously disappeared. There was no trace of him nor HMS Bismarck which he’d had in his hand when last seen. Maybe he went mad or some old kids from the school came back and murdered him. But everybody agrees about one thing. His spirit is not at rest. He still walks the corridors, with cane in his hand. People say they’ve heard HMS Bismarck swishing in the darkness and heard the cries of some ghostly victim.

A wonderfully delivered monologue by John Holmes, topped off by John Drummond’s increasing unease as the story becomes more and more bloodcurdling.  There may be a few things this year (hello Harriet!) which have irritated me, but this is comedy gold – and it’s something we’ll return to another time …

In some people’s eyes Miss Partridge has become too closely aligned to the pupils.  This is mentioned to her by Miss Booth – who’s never been as dogmatic as Mr Bronson (although she does possess something of a hard streak).  As for Mr Bronson himself, he is in no doubt that allowing the pupils a voice is the first step on a slippery slope.   “Pupil power is a mockery, not democracy. You cannot have power without responsibility”.

The meeting between staff and pupils doesn’t go well for the pupils.  And Miss Partridge doesn’t fare much better.  When Mrs McClusky and Mr Bronson learn that she assisted them in crafting their debating points, both of the senior teachers unite and turn on her (unusual to see them align in this way).  She storms off and the pupils aren’t far behind.  They’ve tried democracy and failed, although it’s debatable as to whether the staff, apart from Miss Partridge, were that interested in any of their points.

Even those you might class as ‘moderates’ – Miss Booth, Mrs Reagan – couldn’t seem to comprehend that secret profiles are a bad idea.  This seems slightly hard to believe, but the fact that the gang of four – Freddie, Julie, Cheryl and Roland – feel that they’ve been denied a voice via the democratic route means that alternative methods will have to be found ….

Written by Sarah Daniels.  Tx 27th February 1987

Continuity is a bit of a bugbear with me, so it slightly rankles that at the start of today’s episode Vince plugs a kettle into a socket down in his reconstructed den.  Yet a few episodes ago he told Gonch that making tea would be impossible since they’d need to plug a kettle in elsewhere and the trailing wire would bound to be seen.

Freddie, Cheryl and Roland are attempting to pull all the grievances expressed by the pupils into a single document.  That it’s still somewhat chaotic (complaints about the colour of the school diary is still high on the list) doesn’t suggest that their organisational skills are very good.  It’s also a telling moment that they’re quite happy for Miss Partridge to take their notes and type them up.  Can none of them type?  And whilst Miss Partridge obviously has their best interests at heart, she’s still “one of them” ….

We’re shortly heading into a direct confrontation between the staff and the pupils over the way the school is run.  It’s a pity though that these threads haven’t been developed more over the course of this year.  Compared, say, to SAG (from series two) it does feel somewhat undercooked.  The fact that Harriet has enjoyed a good deal more screentime is an example of strange priorities.

Louise is turning into something of a stroppy madam, skipping Mr Bronson’s French class because she can’t be bothered to attend.  It’s a pity then that she decides to lounge about in the corridor in plain sight, right where Mr Bronson can find her.

Banksie remains in a foul food, convinced that Mrs Reagan has scuppered his chances of success at Hazelrigg school although there’s no evidence for this.  His first assignment – tidying up their art room – isn’t terribly exciting, but exactly what did he expect to be doing on his first day?

After popping back to Grange Hill to vent his spleen, he returns to Hazelrigg for his afternoon stint.  His next task – posting some letters – doesn’t seem terribly exciting either, but Lucy and Perry (Jimmy Carr) tell him that they have to come as well and Banksie is required to ride to the post office in a wheelchair.  They’re lying of course, but this brief trip out is the first stage in Banksie’s development.  And playing snooker with Lucy (and the fact he gets beaten by her) only serves to strengthen his bond with the school

Donkey Watch.  Harriet’s not well and Helen is beside herself with worry.  Will Harriet live or die?  This is edge of the seat stuff, especially when an anxious Helen turns to the bible for comfort.

Ant’s presence throughout series ten has been somewhat superfluous.  Apart from his relationship with Georgina (which never seemed to go anywhere) his only other major contribution comes here – after he fouls Ziggy in a football match and instantly turns into a villain.  It’s such a feeble tackle that it’s hard to imagine how Ziggy managed to sustain so great an injury that he had to be stretchered off.  Maybe for once we can say that Ant’s been a little hard done by.

Gonch has worked out a way to gain revenge over Trevor – the Grange Hill ghost of course.  We’ve been here before (and we will again).  Will Trevor be stupid enough to fall for such an obvious trick?  Hmm …..

Written by Sarah Daniels.  Tx 24th February 1987

Relationship woes kick off this episode.  Ronnie is sick of Gonch.  She still likes him, but she’s sick of him at the same time.  Meanwhile, Georgina and Ant continue to have communication issues.  She wants to talk about Imelda whilst he’s more interested in having a kickabout with Ziggy.

Although Georgina didn’t get very far discussing Imelda with Ant, she has a little more success with Helen.  Georgina wonders if Imelda was funny in the head or if she was just a bully.  This is the sort of debate it would have been good to have when Imelda was a member of the school, but better late than never I guess.

Imelda’s visits to a psychologist are brought up again and this theme is also touched upon later as Georgina and Helen – having got out of sports – ensconce themselves in the art room and decide to express their feelings through their artwork.  Miss Booth is intrigued and labels Helen’s work as showing “boredom and anger” whilst Georgina’s “suggests despair”.  How serious the girls were being is open to debate, but it’s a slightly unusual moment that presumably came straight from Sarah Daniels’ pen.

More characteristic of the series of a whole is Gonch’s desire to make money.  First he wonders if Calley’s horoscopes could be the answer – surely there must be a way to lay bets against them?  She’s not keen (as it doesn’t pay to mess with the future) so he turns his attention to Harriet.  It’s been a while since we’ve had a serious Donkey watch (her cameo in the previous episode doesn’t really count).  Gonch and Hollo offer to take Harriet for a walk, but what they really want to do is to offer donkey rides in the park ….

This episode also digs a little deeper into the personalities of Georgina and Helen.  Both tell Mrs Reagan that they’re not too fond of sports (which is odd to hear from Georgina, since she’s always been portrayed as a sporty type).  Mrs Reagan, keen to find out what they do like, will no doubt struggle to do anything with their suggestions though (snooker and rock climbing).

Trevor destroys Vince’s den.  It’s a mean and petty thing to have done and pushes Trevor back more into the bully persona he briefly adopted at the start of this series.  Vince isn’t happy.  “I’m going to mash his brainbox apart”.  He confronts Trevor but only gets a facefull of semolina for his pains.  Trevor seems keen to fill the void left by Imelda, needling Mr Scott in the canteen, although this episode it’s done in a subtle and non-confrontational way.  The question as to whether Mr Scott has finally won the respect of the class remains deferred for now.

Cheryl – who, lest we forget, favours healthy eating – is keen to establish an alternative canteen, offering a non-fat diet.  This is another of those plotlines that you know isn’t really going to go anywhere.

Banksie’s paranoia is healthy today.  He’s convinced that Mrs Reagan’s staring at him (even when she isn’t) and he continues to moan about his work experience placement.  He tells Laura that “clearing up after a bunch of weird kids” isn’t what he calls work experience and he’s convinced that it’ll be embarrassing.  But he heads off to Hazelrigg School anyway.

This is obviously set up to be a major character defining moment for Banksie.  His initial discomfort is plain to see as he stumbles into the dining room where the children are having their lunch (was the “hello” from one of the children scripted or a spontaneous outburst, I wonder?).  He’s rescued from his corridor wanderings by the wheelchair-bound Lucy (Leah Finch) who directs him to the headmistress’ office.  She may be confined to a wheelchair, but she’s also lively and articulate and so she (and her friend Perry) will help to educate him over the coming episodes.

Zammo continues to express embarrassment at Jackie’s desire to show off her engagement ring at every opportunity, so he’s probably not too disappointed when Mrs McClusky tells her to take it off (it’s against school policy to wear a ring on that finger).  Roland’s had quite a journey – from school outcast (1982) to wise sage (1987).  He joins Zammo for lunch and offers him his opinion.  A key moment occurs when Zammo admits that he doesn’t know why he’s getting married (“it just sort of happened”). Roland’s response seems to crystallise all the doubts that Zammo’s clearly been feeling for some time.

If I had to select my least favourite episode ending from series 10, then this one – Gonch, Hollo and Harriet hotfoot it out of the park, pursued half-heartedly by some shovel wielding park workers – would be high on the list.